Manila, Philippines — Anyone can be in a relationship any time they wish. All you have to do is lower your standards and tell your peskiest orbiter or suitor, “We’re in a relationship now.”
But to be in a healthy, happy, harmonious relationship is a totally different ball game that requires a totally different mindset, emotional maturity and interpersonal skills.
Here are 7 signs that you are ready to be in a thriving romantic relationship:
1.You’ve found harmony, balance and emotional stability within yourself.
Everything begins and ends with the self.
All the disharmony we have in our lives — may it be business, relationships, physical health, mental health — are all a reflection of the discord and lack of integrity we have within ourselves.
Our sense of integrity can be felt in our energetic field, thoughts, feelings and actions. The level of harmony we can bring into our relationships depends on the level of integrity at which we’ve reached within ourselves.
2.You draw happiness, power and confidence from within yourself.
When you are able to draw happiness, power, security and safety from within yourself, you won’t look at your relationships as your source of such. You won’t have co-dependent and unrealistic expectations of your partner to give you what you are not able to give to yourself.
You won’t look at your partner as your emotional nanny. You will be seen and treated as a partner, not as a project. In turn, you can just enjoy the connection you have with the person you date.
3.You realize you’re enough.
A lot of us, if not all of us, have dealt with feelings of being not good enough for the things, relationships and people we desire. We can’t be in a thriving relationship if we are constantly haunted by this limiting belief.
We have to fully accept ourselves— the good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly, our strengths, our weaknesses, and everything in between. Only when we’ve learned to accept, value and appreciate our unique and inherent desirability and lovability can we accept, value and appreciate it in another.
4.You have the courage to be seen and be vulnerable.
With radical self-acceptance comes the courage to be truly seen for all that we are—our greatness, our possibilities, our insecurities, our hopes, dreams, our past mistakes, and biggest fears.
Often, what holds us back from sharing ourselves with another person is our fear of our insecurities being seen and being rejected by the other person. So we reject connecting with them, before they can reject us. We wear armors in order to protect us from feeling vulnerable.
But as we muster the courage to take off the armor and allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we give the other person permission to be liberated from the same armor, and in turn be vulnerable with us. Nothing deepens a connection like sharing vulnerabilities.
5.You’ve released control.
Instead of needing to control things and outcome that’s motivated by fear, you become curious of how your relationship unfolds. You enjoy the unfolding of the truth of your connection, and respond to it accordingly moment to moment.
6.You make it okay to lose.
One of life’s paradoxes is, when you make it okay to lose, that is when you have a high chance to win.
You are ready for a thriving relationship when you know and accept that breaking up, getting hurt or inadvertently hurting another are inherent risks you take whenever you get into a relationship, and yet you courageously get into it anyway.
7.You are a team player and don’t see love as a battlefield.
You get into relationship from a mindset of connecting and sharing yourself and your love, not from a place of trying to take from someone, or fearing that someone is trying to take from you.
You have positive expectations of your relationship and your partner. You don’t keep score or interpret their shortcomings as an affront to you. It is no longer about “me,” but all about “we.”
Wynnel Joy is Stylish Magazine’s relationships and dating editor. She is one of the hosts of “B’Witches”, a Spotify podcast show produced by Viva Entertainment’s Oomph Podcasts Productions.