If you are like me, you too probably at one point or another, have  daydreamed of and subscribed to the fairy tale idea of meeting Prince Charming who’s going to take you away from that tall, dark metaphorical castle of physical, mental and emotional isolation. Looking for such Prince Charming from a place of not being aware of my true power and capabilities, I ended up attracting Prince Harmings instead.

My intention is to guide you in avoiding unnecessary mistakes and the heartbreaks they entail. So, before we set our sails on the Dating Sea, let’s first define what kind of fish is even worth catching.

So what makes a man “high value” and worth attracting and keeping?

A high value man is someone with a great sense of self. As such, he has high certainty of who he is, what he wants, and the direction he wants to take in life.  A high value man has a great sense of leadership — self-leadership first and foremost — which in turn mirrors how he leads his chosen woman and his people. 

A high value man has high self-respect and integrity. He is authentically and deeply respectful of his woman. He is in touch with his deep authentic desire for connection, love and belongingness. He chooses his woman from a place of authentic desire, power and confidence, not from a desperate nor casual need for a woman companion. This man cannot be kept by just manipulation, begging, crying, bargaining or guilt-tripping. A high value man has high standards for himself and the woman he chooses to thrive in life with. 

Now how to be an equally high value woman who’s inevitably attractive and attracted to such man?

We have to match a high value man’s energy, sense of self and level of integrity.

Here are 7 core values we can cultivate in order to step up to the versions of ourselves who effortlessly attract not only high value men, but also high value life experiences: 

1. Strong Sense of Self and Being in Integrity With It

A lot of people live life not knowing who they truly are and what they truly want. They say one thing, and find themselves doing the exact opposite.

When you don’t have a strong sense of self, you will keep vacillating from identifying as one thing and then another. Your energy will reek off uncertainty and inconsistency. You will think you want something and realize you don’t want it as soon as you have it.

No high value man who has his life together will want to be associated with someone like that, let alone feel safe about entrusting his heart to that person. Consequently, it will be very hard to cultivate integrity when you don’t even know who or what you have to be in integrity with.

Only with high level of integrity within oneself one can attract a connection with high level of integrity. One actionable recommendation you can do to cultivate a strong sense of self is meditating, and having some time alone to introspect and really go deep in self-inquiry.

2. Passion and Purpose

The most effortlessly attractive people in the world are passionate and purposeful people. People with deep sense of what they live for and their life purpose who passionately pursue that purpose day by day. Not only will you find yourself attracted to them, but you will want to be like them.

Find what it is that you deeply care about that you can serve the world with, and courageously do it.

3. Excellence

When you are in integrity with the best version of yourself, it naturally manifests as you living a life of excellence. It could be by doing an excellent job at your chosen career, or treating people with excellence.

Ever heard of the saying “how you do one thing is how you do everything?” When you do things and treat people with excellence, high value men will naturally think of you as someone, who will make for an excellent partner.

Consequently, you will have excellent standards for yourself, for the men you date, for the kind of treatment you will allow from the men you date and from the world, and for the quality and depth of connection you will have with the people you choose to build relationships with.

4. Well-roundedness 

The most magnetic people in the world are the ones who are in touch with their multidimensional selves. Their energy is just expansive.

If someone is consistently serious and never playful, they have such constricted energy. Constricted energy is not attractive.

We are multidimensional beings. A person who is one-dimensional either has not yet opened themselves up to discovering more of themselves, or they don’t trust you enough to show you other dimensions of themselves.

Whose company would you rather be in? A person who is playful all the time or serious all the time, or a person who can be playful and yet can also be serious when the circumstances demand it?

5. Being Open to Connecting 

Some women on the surface may look like they’ve got everything together—gorgeous looks, high-powered careers, financial abundance, fame, high value social circle, etc. And yet, they can’t seem to find a partner they can connect with.

Often, this is due to unconscious blocks we have against love, connection and intimacy. The traumas from past relationships that didn’t quite work out still haunt us because we’ve never healed from them.

We are unaware that the new men we meet are still dealing with a heart that somebody else broke. We still see men through the filters of what an asshole our exes were so we project those negative qualities to the new men we meet. We unconsciously judge men before they even have a chance to show us who they really are.

In order to remedy this, we have to take some time and space to heal our past traumas. There are various trauma-healing modalities that are available to us. We have to again open ourselves up to love, connection and intimacy.

6. Commitment

A woman who is deeply committed to herself, her growth, and what she has her heart set on is highly attractive.

When you are committed to things that are important to you, it communicates courage and confidence. It communicates that you are operating your life from power and from a strong belief in yourself and what you are capable of creating. Such women will choose a man from a place of authentic desire and high self-worth. She will choose a man because she desires, deeply trusts and respects him, not because she desperately needs a man.

7. Sexual Confidence

Finally, in order to be highly magnetic, you have to cultivate sexual confidence.

Our sexuality is an integral part of being a woman, and yet this patriarchal society conditioned us to have a lot of shame and guilt around our sexuality. The energy of shame and guilt for any part of ourselves is heavy, constricting and unattractive.

The energy of embracing and basking in your sexual energy is light, expansive and highly attractive. To deny, repress, suppress or be ashamed of any part of you is such a heavy unattractive energy. Our sexuality is a powerful magical gift that when used responsibly, it can help transmute things. It can inspire a man to align himself to the best version of himself. And when it is misused, it can ruin a man or cause further wounding in him. 

To conclude this little piece of my heart (this is not just an article for me), I’d like to share with you my favourite Cherokee Proverb: 

“A woman’s highest calling is to lead a man to his soul, so as to unite him with the Source. Her lowest calling is to seduce, separating man from his soul and leave him aimlessly wandering. A man’s highest calling is to protect the woman, so she is free to walk the earth unharmed. Man’s lowest calling is to ambush and force his way into the life of a woman.”  

Wynnel Joy is Stylish Magazine’s relationships and dating editor. She is one of the hosts of “B’Witches”, a Spotify podcast show produced by Viva Entertainment’s Oomph Podcasts Productions.